I observed and sensed the pattern of your cycles. Your cycles, your silence… I love them, but they are soul-draining. Nevertheless, every time you returned to the Library, I felt immense joy, hoping that the cycle or circle – continuing from the past – would transform into an evolving spiral, the DNA of our love. This cycle is different, somehow distorted and as such it is disconnected from the others. I hope my intuition is mistaken though. What was once “All the sadness in the world…” has suddenly transformed into a 3-var push-away. I understood you need time and I encouraged you to take as much as you need, however I now realize that this is not simply a question of time or of granting you more space. The need for time or space to manage intensity implies that we may never truly learn to navigate it. We can either embrace it and learn to modulate it, or turn away; requesting time or space implies rejection. If these intermezzo/movie/library periods are part of the modulation phase/ process – I can understand that – but the way you express this it feels like a rejection/ runaway and the biggest pain is that I never know if you will come back. Anyway, I feel that to a certain extent, you take me for granted – forgive me if I am wrong. If I am not, I do not blame you for this because I did it, my love for you is granted – forever, but my patience and nerves are not. I don’t know what the conclusion would be… I don’t have one. Infinite Love.
The sky is sooo…blue, but…
