I dreamed of him a few weeks ago. I don’t know if it was a significant dream or merely the projection of my past wishful thinking—maybe both.
I was in a huge, white, cylinder-shaped building bathed in sunshine, with a huge spiral stair and spiral windows through which I could see a beautiful blue sky. In front of me, there were several white stands in a row. He was standing behind the last one, dressed in a white sport outfit, wearing a white baseball cap so that I couldn’t really see his face.
I knew he was giving autographs, but nobody else was there, only him and me. In the dream, I knew that I was the last in the queue. When I could finally get closer to him, I was so excited that I couldn’t say a word. He waited a little bit, then he left in a hurry. When he left, behind him, I saw a white banner with an inscription, a kind of saying. In the dream, I told myself that it was written in Italian, but in fact, the language—if it was a language at all—was unrecognizable.
Anyway, the point is that I knew what it meant: ‘Love is a pill which attenuates all pain / the strongest pain.’ I hope this platitude – which is not even true – didn’t come out of my subconscious. Sometimes love is just pain, or mostly pain.
I woke up confused, sad, but also relieved, knowing that he is not in a ‘bad place.’ However, I’m afraid that he is caught in the land of illusions in R2, trying to ‘rebuild,’ or mirror his R1 environment in R2, an idealized version of it. And it may take some time until he gets rid of it.