I am listening it and remembering our yellow/green leaves “debates” or cycle – one among many, each one preceded by your expressions of love and followed by a sudden, sometimes gradual setback, which you explained with a wave of aquamarine sadness or “exaltation in negativity”, or the most (in)famous ‘digital cemetery’. This time, it was ‘My love…’ The setback is perhaps explained by the ‘Why don’t you call me?’. However, the words are less relevant since the problem is the same; we both know it, and you ‘posted’ it yourself: ‘La Folia’, Sento in Seno’, ‘Exhausted’… no need to say more. What is different is the elaborated “message” you left behind. That sophisticated, observant, meticulous, brilliant mind of yours… At the front door, you ‘posted’ a concise, short message: ‘Intermezzo’/ ‘My Library’/’Transmutations’. It translates to something like: “I need a break – a temporary leave from the library for doing the transmutations,” and of course, in case I protest, there is ‘The Movie’. And at the back door – you, my most beloved – you’ve ‘posted’ almost 300 messages. You have spent hours reshuffling the entire library to select them, to tell me your feelings, to give me the “full picture” of your heart, also some promises about certain exercises, the promise that you will make a place for me, and a “warning” to get prepared for the next summer… Oh, and I should not forget the lovely ‘Take your time’ as a response to my comment regarding the amount of work it requires to decipher all those messages. Words can’t express how much I love and appreciate all of this. Not the fact that you disappeared – again – but the thought to express your feelings in this way, leaving me with the hope that you will return, the 300 shadows of your thoughts to still feel you and “some work” to do with deciphering these in your absence. Am I right? Why on earth don’t you understand that you will not be less overwhelmed if you disappear? On the contrary… Also, why don’t you understand that I only need a few seconds/day from you? If you take the 2-3 hrs. you spent reshuffling the library and divide the number of seconds by 180 days (the 6 months until the next summer solstice), it gives you 1 min/day. Whether you “movie” me, “black messenger” me, or “judge” me – it doesn’t matter – I prefer ‘My love…’ though – I just need a sign of your presence – until you finally decide to call me – which I expect you to do more than planning any Grand Escape; because more than anything I want to hear your voice – the sound of your Soul. Infinite Love.
Greensleeves to the ground
