A dream I didn’t want to tell you/him about… because I didn’t like it, and I didn’t like myself in it. I dreamt it in May 2024, the night I saw him in the Cannes videos. I’m writing about it now because I finally understand it and I don’t want to forget it, and also because you don’t want to tell me anything about what happened. Anyway, it was the first dream in which I ever saw him, the second and the last since then, was the one in which I was holding his hand in my parents’ apartment. (That predicted his death more clearly but I didn’t understand it either. We weren’t looking at each other, we were together but detached like in the first dream, the apartment was semi-dark, it was the place of the dead because my parents are gone, and the black X on the Wednesday, 7th of May in the calendar…. He passed away on the first Wednesday of the 7th month.)
We were in a huge temple made of yellowish stone with reddish tints. A large entrance let in bright sunlight that illuminated the entire place. The temple was filled with people in long dresses and tuxedos – the festival dress code – standing on both sides of a red carpet that stretched diagonally through the temple. He was standing at the head of the carpet, his back towards the entrance. I was on the left side, not far from him. In the dream I felt we were together but somehow detached from each other.
He held a ring in his hand, which he suddenly dropped onto the carpet. It fell and began rolling forward. As it rolled, everyone followed it with their eyes, bending slightly, and so did I – but I was the only one who knelt down on the carpet to observe it closely. It was a gold ring with a heart-shaped, dark red ruby. As it rolled, the ring opened into a straight strip of gold with wavy edges and small holes. I thought it was simply its design, and I was surprised because it resembled a pair of gold earrings I had bought just a week before, after losing one of mine between the moving steps of the metro escalator.
As I watched the ring rolling and unfolding, I felt nothing—only curiosity about it and what would happen next. Meanwhile, he stood at the head of the carpet, detached, smiling. Behind him, a brilliant light was shining, but it wasn’t the sun.
I woke up devastated, frightened, and ashamed of my reaction to the falling ring. The symbolism of the opened ring, the holes in it, the heart-shaped dark red ruby—it was terrifying, and it was clear, but I didn’t want to acknowledge it. I’ve always disliked rubies in jewelry; they remind me of clotted blood. And then there was that light behind him… which wasn’t the sun. I wanted to believe that it was only the influence of the video and my wishful thinking. True, but they only gave the raw material, the rest was the prediction of his tragedy.